At Some Point

chapters 1 2 3 4

Chapter 3

Daniel closed his eyes and grimaced, wondering why he was bothering with destroying all of Darren’s naïve and beautiful dreams. He considered that it could be some sort of subliminal (and sick) revenge against the Darren of present, and, worse, he considered that he was probably right. His voice expressed his exhaustion with himself; still he couldn’t summon the energy to lie, “We both changed to some extent. But honestly sometimes it seems like you’re not even the same person, like maybe you did forget.”

Darren sucked in a startled breath and he hugged his arms around his slender frame, letting the inky strands of hair fall into his eyes, “It was me, wasn’t it. I hurt you.”

Daniel almost inadvertently reached for Darren in comfort, but curbed his movement at the last second instead wringing his hands and reminding himself this was not his Darren to comfort. That his Darren was in reality beyond need and recall of comfort.

“We hurt each other…” was all Daniel could really offer, even as Darren raised eyes in an unconscious plea. For a moment, time was traversed in a mere metre of physical space, and something electric bridged even that gap. Daniel swore and tore his eyes to the floor, “Please, let me be concussed in some hospital bed.”

“If anything it’s my dream, not your delusion.” Darren conceded softly, disentangling his slender limbs and standing.

Daniel stood up quickly, defensively, as the enigmatic 23-year-old closed the distance between them. Daniel couldn’t help the hitch in his breath when Darren brushed his fingers along a hollowed cheek; this Darren more than the other was always able to reduce him to a state of inexperienced nervousness. He flinched when Darren murmured with a tiny frown line marring his smooth pale forehead, “There was a song in my head that day. Do you know what it is?”

Daniel’s gaze darted away, flickering to the floor as his eyes closed in an expression of resignation. Of all the questions, the formerly perceptive Darren had to ask that one. “I remember it.”

Darren seemed relieved and he barrelled on eagerly, “So we wrote it then?” Daniel felt his mouth curve into a small smile of nostalgia, unwittingly replying, “We wrote it after you woke up from…from this.” When he realized his mistake, he froze.

For a moment, Daniel braced himself against the gentle fanning of hot breath against his face, unwilling to meet Darren’s searching gaze. He didn’t plan on replying when Darren queried further, “What was it about, our song?” Daniel barked a short laugh, noting the irony of Darren’s question. Because it had been about them, and inevitably became ‘their song’. The one that defined them.

Daniel didn’t realize he’d spoken out loud until Darren’s fingers curved around the nape of his neck and he knew even as the questions in Darren’s gaze tripled, that there was never really an answer except this... Their lips softly clung to one another, unsure, invariably drawn but unwilling to surrender ground. A sob gathered strength in the graceful column of Daniel’s throat and soon he had the wraithlike Darren gripped by the wrists and he was kissing him as if it were their last ever kiss. As he knew it was.

~*~*~*~*~

Darren, in his shocked pleasure, pressed forward against Daniel’s more solid form. He was no longer all awkward joints and angles, Darren acknowledged in appreciation. In his life as a pop star, he’d built smooth muscles, and tanned his skin golden; in his post-pop star life, he’d softened only so much around the edges as to be less intimidating.

Darren made a rumbling breathless noise as Daniel’s tongue expertly tangled with his own; some part of him considered that maybe they’d done this before. Just as he was about to impatiently and eagerly banish all thought entirely, Darren was released and in fact pushed away hard enough that he had to take a few steadying steps in retreat.

Daniel wore an expression of stunned guilt as he mumbled and paced away in a harried manner, “This isn’t right… We can’t…”

That was when Darren fully realized something had happened like this between them, that this wasn’t the first time they’d taken this route in their relationship. He blanched as he considered all the ways something like this could have played out back then…none of them were promising. He asked in a hushed voice, his hand making a helpless gesture, “When?”

“When you woke up. Everything changed when you woke up. You didn’t remember all of this, just some of it, and you didn’t tell me nearly all of what you did remember.” Daniel stopped and looked at him grimly and Darren knew that was all Daniel would willingly convey.

Darren was shaking his head though, the denial running thick under his skin, making him stutter agitatedly, “I wouldn’t! I wouldn’t forget. I wouldn’t just forget! And even if I did, even if none of this registered but we still somehow…we still…we wouldn’t have just given up! We can’t just give up! And I know now, I know, and I can go back and when I go back—”

~*~*~*~*~

Daniel knew a panic attack when he saw one, though it had been years since his Darren had succumbed to one, and he knew the shock of all this was finally getting to the younger man. He was across the carpet before he could think twice about it and even as his arms closed about Darren in soothing comfort, Daniel could feel his body stiffening in restraint. Darren thankfully stopped stuttering, as if realizing his peril, and just buried his face against Daniel’s neck gratefully.

Eventually the hiccups surfaced, and then when Daniel gently shushed the small, frustrated noise Darren seemed unable to contain, the sheepish laughter finally reverberated through Darren’s relaxing muscles.

Daniel closed his eyes momentarily in relief and then wore an affectionate smile as he pulled away, “Close one, that.”

Darren scrunched his nose adorably, then the lines of his strangely youthful face smoothed into seriousness. “I promise I won’t forget, Daniel.”

The world-weary former guitarist sighed and moved away entirely, wandering to the window to watch as the sun bled into the sky in its last effort to retain its grandeur. He spoke in almost a detached fashion, not wanting to upset Darren again, “You’ll forget, Darren. You were meant to, because the present is as it is. People weren’t meant to change the past this way, it only happens in movies.”

Despite his attempts at keeping the situation in hand, Darren insisted vehemently, his eyes reflecting sparks of determined blue, “I won’t! Listen, I’ll go back, and I’ll tell Daniel—you—how I feel, how I’m attracted to you, how I lo—”

Daniel’s eyes widened as he realized where this was going, and then narrowed like a hawk’s as he sharply interceded, “You can’t! You can’t, even if you remember, which you won’t! The Daniel I was, he won’t be ready—”

Darren was over to him in a flash, grasping desperately at Daniel’s shirt, his voice breaking with fervour, “Then I’ll wait! I’ll wait until he, until you’re ready. I’ll wait however long it takes. Please, Daniel. Promise me you won’t give up on us either.”

But Daniel was already shaking his head desolately, shrugging Darren loose. Finally he pinned the younger man with eyes that burned past pain, shame and guilt into Darren. “It doesn’t matter what I do, you’re the only one that has the chance to go back.”

“I know…I just,” Darren gestured vaguely, clearly not quite understanding it himself, “I just think that if you believe in us now, maybe at some point, in some way, you’ll be ready when I go back. Maybe even sooner than you were…it doesn’t make any sense, I know, but.”

Daniel smiled sadly and stroked his fingers through Darren’s hair in a reminiscent fashion. “At some point…” Daniel laughed with a touch of bitterness; he’d forgotten the old Darren’s hopeful nature, “Darren, I don’t know if I was ever ready…or if you ever will be again.” Darren’s expressive face reflected his confusion, but just as the ethereal singer was about to investigate Daniel’s purposefully cryptic comment further, the phone rang.

~*~*~*~*~

Darren frowned at Daniel then at the phone. He saw a flicker of amusement in Daniel’s otherwise sober eyes, and felt immediately better for it; if he could make this Daniel smile after all he’s endured, it was his world. He flopped back down on the couch as he watched Daniel speak quietly into the phone. But he was immediately alert and upright when he caught the distressed expression crossing Daniel’s face. He blatantly tuned in.

“…calling from here in Sydney? Why--…oh mum, that’s right,” Daniel briefly glanced over at Darren, then abruptly turned his back, causing him to frown, “No, it’s ok, I’m fine, how are you doing?” That’s when it clicked. Darren jumped up and raced over, fairly smashing the ‘speaker phone’ button before Daniel was aware of anything.

Even so, his band mate seemed too stunned to do anything as the voice of Darren’s older-self filtered into the quiet living room, “…just wondering, I know this is going to come across as strange, but your mum’s strange phone call made me feel like I was supposed to do something…I just…is today important, Daniel?” Sucking in a startled breath, the younger Darren watched Daniel with disbelieving yet apologetic eyes.

Daniel blanched at the full impact of present day Darren’s words. He leaned down slowly towards the speaker, still gripping the phone receiver tightly, and husked weakly, “No…no it isn’t.” The 23-year-old reached for him in empathetic anguish, but Daniel shook his head even as the 30-year-old’s voice crackled over the speaker, “Oh…ok…well, night then.”

Daniel murmured goodnight, but before they heard the click, the younger Darren burst out, “Why—?” Daniel raised a finger, glaring with alarm and effectually silencing him. There was a pause, and then they both heard the click of the phone being hung up. Daniel carefully pressed the speaker button again then muttered, “Let’s hope he didn’t hear you.”

Then without another word, Daniel hung up the phone receiver and walked out of the room. Stunned, Darren’s gaze fell on the cream-coloured couch in bemusement as he heard Daniel make his way upstairs. In his mind, his psyche battled between all the questions he had, and the fact that Daniel was clearly upset. Finally, he wandered tentatively after Daniel.

By the time he found Daniel splayed out on his back in his bedroom, Darren was firm in his convictions; the questions weren’t as important as Daniel. He hovered by the side of the bed, picking at the bedspread, waiting for Daniel to say something but the other man just stared up stonily at the ceiling. Darren cleared his throat. Still nothing.

“I’m sorry.” His voice came out tiny and quavering.

Daniel made a noise of impatience but still wouldn’t look at him, snapping instead, “For what?”

“I…for…I, I don’t know,” Darren finished miserably, bowing his head in confusion. His eyes inexorably stung and when he tried to rub at them subtly, he heard Daniel hiss an expletive. Maybe he’d only come to the future to make things worse, instead of fix anything…that seemed to be the only thing he was good at.

~*~*~*~*~

“Oh stop it, you cry baby,” Daniel couldn’t help but growl. He snidely considered that it was a good thing Darren had gotten such a thick skin over the years otherwise he would have actually broken up the band much sooner. Then he immediately felt bad about it. Eyeing Darren with an impatient but rueful gaze, he warned gruffly, “I don’t have any more answers for you.”

Darren offered him a peek at endearingly pleading blue eyes complete with wet lashes. He was fidgeting now with the hem of his shirt and brutalizing his bottom lip with his teeth. “I don’t want to ask more questions.”

Daniel reverted his own eyes at the ceiling. “Then what do you want?” When the pause extended for longer than he’d expected, his brow furrowed and as he turned his head he caught wide gleeful though still slightly glistening eyes, and then a big smile spread across Darren’s formerly pouting lips.

“Walked into that one didn’t you!” Daniel rolled his eyes, grimacing in an attempt to hide the smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth. Juvenile then, juvenile still. He shifted his left arm up onto one of the pillows and before he could blink let alone reminisce, a warm slender body was pressed against his side. He took a startled breath as an arm wrapped across his chest, and a smooth cheek rubbed affectionately against his neck.

Unable to look down and confront the presence properly, he stuttered, his deep voice squeaking ridiculously, “Uh…Darren?”

“Mmm?” Lips pressed softly into a kiss over Daniel’s suddenly racing pulse at the base of his neck.

He counted to five to calm down before continuing quietly, “What are you doing?”

He felt Darren’s head rise, the soft tendrils of his hair brushing against Daniel’s jaw, some of it catching on the slight stubble. “You mean that wasn’t an invitation?”

Daniel’s jaw set in disbelief. The little bugger was playing at being coy! The next word he uttered was in dire warning, “Darren…” But the younger man chose to ignore him and instead show off his spry talents by climbing over and straddling Daniel’s prone form. Daniel grunted at the sudden weight and quickly averted his face when Darren leaned down to kiss him.

As he felt soft lips smoothly glance off his cheek, all of Daniel’s common sense and denial came flooding back. Turning his head sharply back, his green eyes sparking, Daniel intended to remind Darren of how utterly hopeless this was, but stopped at the vulnerable shards of exactly that emotion that were already present in the other man’s gaze.

“Please…please can’t we…” a soft kiss heated each verbal fragment, “Pretend…just pretend…it’s a dream…”

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