At Some Point

chapters 1 2 3 4

Chapter 4

Daniel had already surrendered before the final prolonged kiss that permeated a lethargic heat and molten sensation through his tingling flesh. His hands, despite having been deprived for quite some time, found the familiar places of old. His right impatiently pushed material away, finding the hollow low on Darren’s back, sliding roughly down until he gripped a thigh just above where the jeans now bunched. His left stroked knuckles soothingly and repetitively up along Darren’s abdomen under his shirt, delighting in the tensing and relaxing muscles.

Darren pulled away yearningly and, despite the almost musically earthy moans that seemed to require the quivering use of his entire body, managed to pull off his shirt. The heat of Daniel’s mouth immediately revelled in the taste of Darren’s overly taut flesh, his tongue curling and twisting around first one and then the other nipple that had never experienced it but somehow remembered it just the same. He murmured incoherently, “Sing for me…”

Darren swore softly, breathless and braced himself up on two arms to watch Daniel with eyes that knew too much and would forget it all. Daniel moaned in despair and craving when he felt a bare thigh rub slowly against him, potent even through the clothes that remained between them. He knew how Darren must look even as he closed his eyes, like a newly awakened boy but with the eyes and enticingly debauched look of a man; the whispers seeping from his wet lips, of taunting and filthy words serving as the soiled seduction of their untouched selves.

Even as he felt those lips trail his throat, even as he felt trembling yet strangely knowledgeable hands touch him where he remembered them most, Daniel’s darkness was blinded by the image of a forcibly confined memory…

“Darren…? Hey wake up! Are you ok? Darren!” Darren finally opened his eyes and gave him a blearily confused look. “Thank God! How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Five,” Darren replied blankly, attempting to sit up from his prone position on the floor. Above them the light bulb had stopped spitting electricity.

“What the hell happened?” Daniel was relieved and so irritated at the scare.

Daniel twisted, his skin wrought with sensation and lust as he felt Darren free both of them of their cloth restraints and even in his daze, he allowed Darren free reign because it would be his first memory as opposed to Daniel’s last. At least, he did so until he felt Darren’s breath moisten his abdomen, making him jerk in denial. He felt Darren whisper, desperately, against the hard angle of his hip, “Pretend it’s a dream…” and then he took Daniel into his mouth.

“I don’t…I had the strangest dream…that I went into the future…it didn’t feel like a dream though…”

Daniel sighed, and worried that perhaps the bump on Darren’s head was more serious than he thought. He carefully helped Darren to his feet, considering a trip to the hospital, but instead soothed, “You’re nutters, you slipped off the stool and hit your head.”

~*~*~*~*~

Daniel jerked again opening his eyes momentarily from his reverie, glistening eyes glazed with more than just wanting. His expression must have been so distraught, because as Darren caught it, he released Daniel from the moist recesses of his mouth and surged up to slant his mouth across Daniel’s. Daniel couldn’t breathe and as if tormented from his eyes, moisture found its way between their kiss, salting it. Darren made to pull away, but Daniel gripped painfully and he was sure he felt the slick sheen of wetness on Darren’s uncomprehending face. Licking at foreign flavour, Daniel was glad that their mouths knew better than to speak, their lips and tongues too fond of each other’s taste.

Impatient, his lean muscled leg rubbed insistently against the softness of Darren’s pale glistening calf and thigh, causing unexpected friction between their male flesh. Darren broke off with a gasp, and pierced Daniel’s heart with intense blue. There was a pause as Daniel’s hand groped towards one side of the bed, and Darren thankfully took his direction, though neither was willing to avert their gaze. The creak and slide of the wood drawer struck Daniel’s mind.

Daniel shut the drawer and took the ointment and cotton to Darren, who hissed as he was examined for the cut that was hidden in his hair.

“But it seemed so real!” Darren insisted, wincing as Daniel took a damp cloth to his head. “I know I went to see you, and then we were talking…there was a girl somewhere in it! Oh, and we were famous! But I kept thinking about Back To The Future…”

Daniel chuckled as he applied the ointment, and commented dryly, “That’s the way with dreams, but only you would involve pop culture in time travel.”

Darren grumbled in frustration, “It’s annoying, I just had it on the tip of my tongue…but I can’t remember now!”

Daniel arched up violently at Darren’s gentle touch, the trailing of soothing fingers. He couldn’t seem to cease the bitter flood of anguish, of memory, but it seemed normal at this point, and a pleading sob escaped him. Darren whispered brokenly to him, but in all of it, with the roar of memory in his mind, all Daniel heard was “Shh…just pretend I…I’ll remember…”

Calming and relaxing finally, Daniel stared up with hopeless emotion and there was a pause, a blank silent breath in time where they forgot who they were and who they weren’t, and it didn’t matter any more that this wasn’t even possible. And then in a slow rush of sound as if through a tunnel, Daniel saw more than heard Darren’s words just as he pushed forward and simultaneously destroyed all of Daniel’s mental barriers. Only a whisper, “I love you.”

~*~*~*~*~

“Why are you so obsessed with this dream, Darren? Are you sure you don’t want to go the hospital, maybe you hit your head harder than we thought…” Daniel sighed impatiently. Darren had been trying to remember for hours now, and Daniel looked quite harassed for it.

“Because—!” Darren abruptly stopped, and Daniel immediately pinned him with curious eyes. Darren stuttered on, averting his own. “Because…I dreamt I told you…that I was in love with you.”

Daniel stood stock still, and all of his indulgence and affection bled dry, leaving only a raw uncertainty and shock. And denial. He loomed closer to Darren, who stood by the edge of the bed and was looking down at it. Daniel whispered, terrified of the answer, “Are you?”

After a tense pause, Darren raised his eyes and they glistened.

“Yes.”

Daniel sucked in his breath, then as if drawn by the beating heart of the pulsing air his head drifted closer and closer still until their lips just barely brushed in the timid possibility…

Daniel felt like he’d shouted at the top of his lungs, but in reality it had just been a low heart-wrenching moan. Darren made a soft crooning noise and nipped his bottom lip. Daniel knew that the clichéd flashes of light hit them both this time, but he knew it wasn’t just memory for Darren. Strangely calm in defeat, he finally accepted the reality of this and held Darren tight to him when the younger man tried to slide off.

He pressed a kiss to Darren’s temple and whispered back, his voice cracking but his tone solid, “I love you too. It’s ok…go…go write your song…” Another flash made Darren quiver and Daniel knew he understood what was happening. Quickly, before Darren could summon the energy to speak, Daniel warned harshly, “But don’t tell me that you love me, Darren. Don’t…because I wasn’t ready…and I hurt you…I lost you before I realized it, and it was too late—” Then the third flash blinded them completely.

~*~*~*~*~

1995

When Darren opened his eyes, Daniel was in the midst of shaking him gently and calling his name. He half-heartedly answered Daniel’s concerned questions and sat up to peer around groggily. He had the feeling he was forgetting something, but his mind was too foggy and only bits and pieces came back. In the midst of his replies, he realized with numb disconcertion, “…I had the strangest dream…that I went into the future…”

2002

When Daniel woke up, he stared at the ceiling in melancholy. He could feel that he was fully clothed and he knew that nothing had changed. His memory was sharp but quickly fading and he despaired, mourned it because it was all he had now. He sucked his breath in at the sharp jab of pain that pulsed in his chest. In a fit of wounded fury he blindly reached out, snatched up the photo of Kathleen by his bedside and smashed it against the opposite wall. The glass sprayed slightly, and he winced, but did not feel regret for it.

All he’d really done was break the glass around an already shattered lie. The one he’d worked so hard to build, that had sheltered him in its soft feminine embrace.

The doorbell abruptly interrupted his depression. Contemplating ignoring it, Daniel sighed when he saw the clock as it read 11:58 pm. It must be important, otherwise it wouldn’t be this late so he forced himself up and trudged out. Not bothering to turn on any lights save the ones above the main stairs, he silently made his way down. Wearier than he had ever been, he didn’t even look up when he opened the front door and mumbled listlessly, “Yeah?”

There was a pause and then, “Hey.” The soft dulcet tone ripped Daniel’s heart out and nearly gave him whiplash as he snapped up his head. He was speechless and gaping like an idiot, he knew. In autopilot, his arm came up and his finger pressed down the light switch. Light flooded the doorway, making them both blink.

Darren suddenly reached over and gently traced the lone dried tear streak upon Daniel’s face. After another silent and tense pause, Daniel simply clicked the light back off.

“Um…listen, sorry to…I uh…I had a hard time forgiving you.” Darren finished abruptly, avoiding Daniel’s gaze in the resumed semi-darkness. He mussed up his own blond hair as if in an attempt to keep his hands to himself. “I didn’t remember everything…but I never really forgot either. I promised you I wouldn’t.”

That’s when Daniel finally understood. It hit him like electricity; it had all happened, it was real, Darren didn’t forget. But then why…? And then he offered in a disbelieving, hushed tone, “You …were waiting?”

That was met with an uncertain half smile and a soft, “Why do you think I picked this day last year.” Daniel’s eyes widened in shock, and numbly he answered the rhetorical question, “I thought you were just being—”

“Spiteful?” Darren finished for him with a proper smile, one of the few physical things still present from the Darren that had mostly reverted back to old memory in Daniel’s mind. “Maybe a little…but I heard what you said to me, you know…before I went back. I just didn’t remember it at first, and then by the time I did, with everything that had happened, there was only one way you’d be ready…if ever…”

“After you’d already been here,” Daniel quietly acknowledged, his expression smooth and blank. “So, today really was special.”

Darren glowed slightly with relief at not having to explain further. But then he faltered, “Are you? I mean…I never stopped…I hoped that you’d be…”

Daniel ran his eyes slowly over Darren, over all the changes reflected in the moonlight and the dim glow of the hall. He wordlessly took Darren by the hand and drew him in slowly. Letting the door swing as they stared each other down, he carefully pressed it shut with his free hand and then turned towards the interior of the house. Tightening his grip on Darren’s hand, he tugged gently without looking as he roamed towards the stairs.

Darren came along willingly albeit timidly, apparently puzzled into silence, but eventually his curiosity overcame his confusion and he halted their progress. Daniel paused, his expression serious, but did not face his former everything. He heard Darren breathe in haltingly and then, with a soft puff, exhale into a question consisting of only his name, “—Daniel?”

Daniel smiled slowly, a simple hope timidly joining the edge of pain and loss. He half-turned his body, looking to the ground first, with his profile glowing in the low lighting of the stairs. Languidly, his gaze drifted up, and focused on Darren’s questioning eyes, then with a blink fixed again on the shadow cast about Darren’s lips.

A moment passed when Daniel leaned in, and their shadows merged. He trailed his palms up along Darren’s chest, as if still needing to feel the reality, and Darren’s arms gradually came up, his hands to rest on Daniel’s hip and lower back. Then as they held each other, the reminiscent newness of it fading, he finally answered softly, breathing it against Darren’s neck, “At some point, I realized I always was.”

~*~ The End ~*~