A Loving Lust
chapters 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Chapter 6
Daniel smirked and shrugged. “Well I mean it’s kind of obvious.”Darren scrambled to get off the guitarist. As soon as he’d regained his balance, he jumped down from the steps. Up went the crossed arms.
Daniel lounged back even further, now leaning upon his elbows. He looked so damned enticing and equally satisfied with himself, Darren couldn’t decide if he wanted to jump him or to strangle him.
“How is it obvious?!”
“Darren, I’m disappointed. Come on, first there’s the bloke at the airport. And now Hiro. Not to mention you were pretty hot for that snog last night.”
Daniel said it so matter-of-factly that Darren almost reacted normally. Until he realized what the younger man had just said. His face went ashen, then bright red at the reminder of the previous night’s goings on.
“You’ve got to be kidding…” Darren hoped he sounded convincingly disgusted and patronizing. “Daniel, Danny, really…you’re not my type. As for last night, need I remind you that you’re the one that tackled me. And if I happened to respond, call it a little bit of drink and a lot of confusion.”
But of course, Daniel wasn’t one to bow down in the face of challenge. Raising an insolent brow at Darren’s mock-apologetic face, he pulled himself to his feet and slowly made his way down the few steps to his band mate.
“Alright. If that’s your story…then say it.”
Darren’s jaw clenched and his eyes shuttered immediately. He forced himself to hold his ground as Daniel moved closer until their bodies nearly touched. He was beginning to think that Daniel might still be drunk.
When Darren didn’t reply right away, Daniel mocked with an easygoing smile, “Darren…come on…tell me you don’t find me attractive.”
“Why?” Darren retorted flatly. He would not be fooled again by Daniel’s little jokes.
Daniel gave Darren a careless look, “Because that whole incident with Nikolai made me realize something. Just because I’m straight doesn’t mean gay men don’t notice me. Common sense I suppose. I think I might go ask him to help me culture myself on the lifestyle a bit more.”
Darren’s eyes snapped with warning and the muscle in his cheek ticked with anger at Daniel’s pondering expression. He remembered that card that he’d found before he’d left that morning. It was the one thing that kept a question ever-present in his mind, despite all of Daniel’s explanations.
“Again, Daniel. That’s not funny. You don’t know who he is or what he’s capable of.”
Daniel made a noise of impatience, his expression changing to one of slight offense, “What are you saying, that I can’t take care of myself? God, give me some credit. Besides, Nikolai didn’t jump me at the club when he had the chance.”
“No, he just kissed you and tried to grope you.” Darren inserted snidely, rolling his eyes.
“So did you. Does that make you a predator?” Daniel wore a teasing grin. He continued deliberately baiting Darren, “So when you snogged me last night, were you just faking it then? That was pretty impressive if you were. I wouldn’t mind learning how to do that.”
“Will you shut up about last night!”
“I will…if you admit you’re attracted to me,” Daniel shrugged matter-of-factly.
He’d never considered it before, but Daniel’s naturally playful nature and his sudden interest in Darren’s sexuality was proving to be a dangerous combination. However, he knew that Daniel was just playing, and that aided him in retaining his irritation.
The caramel-blonde haired man glared back silently and did nothing at first. Then as if it were torn from him by force, “Fine. I’m attracted to you. Are you happy, now.”
~*~*~*~*~ “Quite.” Daniel grinned with a very male victory. “I knew it. And you are picky after all. You just like to pick me.” He laughed and reached up to ruffle Darren’s wavy locks.
“Hey, you were really worried I would find Nikolai and let him ‘convert’ me or something. Relax, mate! He understands that I’m not into that.”
Despite his reassurance, Darren shrugged off his affectionate attentions. His face lost none of its tension.
Daniel blinked and then peered intensely at Darren’s evasive eyes. “You really think he’s some kind of bugger, don’t you? What is it, a gut feeling? Do gay types just know this sort of thing about each other?”
Again, Darren said nothing and continued to avoid looking at Daniel. He didn’t even crack a smile. Daniel was starting to lose his patience.
He sighed with frustration, “Frankly, he seemed like a decent enough bloke. Interesting sort. It’s not like I don’t know how to read people well enough.”
Darren’s mood (and expression) turned even more sour and suspicious at Daniel’s confident and casual defense of the blonde stranger. He figured all this cat-and-mouse banter had taken up enough of his time.
“Don’t we have a sound check to go to? Isn’t everyone waiting for us?”
At his terse words, Daniel frowned. Then when Darren made to go past him back to the main stage, the guitarist grabbed his arm tightly to stop him.
“I was at that club for you, you know. Nikolai offered to help me about things you weren’t comfortable talking about…book learning, not hands on. Unless I wanted to and even then, with no consequences. No pressure. What’s the problem?”
Darren’s barely remaining restraint finally snapped, as he grabbed fistfuls of Daniel’s shirt and threw him down on the portable staircase. Daniel winced, and stared up at Darren in shock for the split second that he was free. Then he was pinned (all too easily, much to his chagrin) to the steps by Darren’s somewhat more muscular frame.
Daniel’s pupils dilated with astonishment and adrenalin. His mouth opened to demand an explanation, to tell Darren to chill out, to apologize, but before he could even take a breath to speak, warm full lips covered his own.
Despite his violence, Darren’s kiss was soft and sweet. It demanded nothing, it wasn’t even really sexual, save for the occasional lap of his tongue against the inside of Daniel’s lips. But even then it ventured no further.
Slowly, Darren pulled away and his eyes were like glaciers. Daniel was completely lost, his brow furrowed in concerned bewilderment.
“That’s how it would start off. No pressure, you said. Just learning.” The singer’s normally sweet breathless voice was hard and low. His gaze passed roughly over Daniel’s gently swollen mouth, and he suddenly snarled, a noise of utter helplessness and wrath.
Swooping down again, he resumed the tender kiss, but Daniel began to feel the attitude of the kiss change. Subtly, it became more urgent, asking more then retreating, asking a bit more after that, then retreating again, but each time going further. Darren’s tongue now slickly mated with Daniel’s and the feeling of security was gone. He felt hunted.
Alarmed, Daniel tried to push his band mate away, but the older man grabbed each of his wrists in a persistent and strong grip, pinning his arms above his head.
It wasn’t just the kiss that unnerved the normally fearless guitarist. In trapping him against the stairs, Darren had pressed his entire body length against his band mate’s. His thigh, with all its straining muscles, was faintly rubbing against Daniel’s groin, sending fine shivers of awareness through both of them.
Beginning to feel the first tendrils of panic, Daniel arched his lithe body up in an effort to buck Darren’s strength or at least dislodge him from his task. It had little effect. Darren did however break the kiss off a few moments later, but on his own accord.
Both gasping for breath, they stared at each other in proper shock. Well really, Daniel was more grimly impressed than shocked and Darren was only slightly stunned by his own audacity. The singer abruptly released his partner and pushed himself up.
“Everything has consequences, Daniel.” Darren’s voice was low and with a defeated quality.
Daniel lay still. He swallowed a few times, and finally, his voice slightly hoarse with pent-up emotion, he said, “A lesson well learned. Sorry, mate. I won’t be so stupid again. And I won’t tease you anymore, no worries.”
His eyes glinting with a bleak amusement, he also pushed himself up off the stairs. Rubbing a few aching places on his back that had been brutalized by the harsh edges of the staircase, he nodded curtly at Darren before walking down the hall towards the stage.
“We have that sound check, Darren.” He reminded almost casually over his shoulder.
Darren closed his eyes in a private torment. He’d finally overstepped that invisible boundary.
~*~*~*~*~ Karl glanced over at the side entrance to the stage with a frown. Wondering what was keeping the main act, he shrugged back at his new backing band family.
“Let’s give a couple of the songs another go, then,” he suggested, his thoughts back on work, “How ‘bout—.”
He stopped when he saw Daniel walking up the side stairs. The guitarist, not realizing he was being watched, wiped at his mouth with a shaky hand. His head hung low, obscuring his face, as he slowly climbed the flight of steps. Occasionally, he would glance behind him and, every time he did, his demeanor would become more dejected.
Worried, Karl’s mind raced with questions and possibilities of what might have transpired between the band mates. When Daniel saw the group just standing about, unsure of what to do, his bearing changed almost instantly. Apologizing for taking so long, he flashed a radiant grin (which Karl was sure was a complete fake) and strode over to his Roland to ready the keyboard’s settings.
“Where’s Darren?” Karl voiced casually, not looking at the guitarist. He noted that Daniel hesitated before replying that he would be there shortly.
Sure enough, a few moments later, Darren appeared. He didn’t look as worse for the wear as Daniel had, but there was definitely an apprehension about him, especially whenever his eyes would graze past his band mate. Karl’s perceptive gaze seemed to be the only one to notice anything amiss.
Darren cheerfully got into the practice, exclaiming with delight from time to time how impressed he was, particularly with the vocal blends. After a while, he and Daniel seemed to be at ease again, and were genuinely excited by the band’s progress and sound. But not before a few tentative and questioning glances were exchanged between them.
When Daniel called a break a few hours later, the majority of the exhausted musicians flopped down onto the audience seats and drank from the cooler that Lee had thoughtfully brought with him. Karl, however, thought it was about time he got to the bottom of things.
Waiting until Daniel had disappeared to make a few phone calls, he cornered Darren and casually asked if the singer would help him pack up some of his excess percussion gear. Confused as to why Karl didn’t ask one of the technicians, Darren went with him nonetheless, touched that the usually muted drummer would ask him.
Wandering down a hallway to an area where most of the instrument crates were laying about, Karl stopped and turned to face the younger man.
“What’s going on, Darren?” Karl. Always blunt and to the point.
“What do you mean?” This after a slight startled hesitation.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know,” Karl sighed, impatiently, his eyes piercing Darren’s evasive ones, “What happened with Daniel? When you two disappeared? You can tell me, Darren. Maybe I can help.”
“I don’t see how you could, Karl. And I don’t see why you would want to,” Darren gave up all pretense and gave his drummer a straightforward albeit sad look, “You’ve never really liked me. I get that. It’s not like I gave you any reason to, with the way everything ended with Daniel before. I could tell you I’ve changed, but even I don’t know that for sure. I hope I have, isn’t that enough?”
“No, it’s not.” Karl stated this softly and without malice. He seemed to be sympathetic, even though his eyes were steely. “Darren, your problem before was that you relied too much on people for all the wrong things, and worse, they were the wrong people. And, at the same time, you relied too much on yourself for things that no one could face alone. You were stubborn, selfish, and insensitive.”
He suddenly reached over and brushed a tear from Darren’s cheek. He sighed again and finished quietly, with a wry smile, “And far too emotional…Listen, I want things to work between you two. I think you both need it on some level. So let me help, Darren. I think at this point in time, I know Daniel far better than you do, and I want to help change that.”
Darren gave a shuddering sigh, and wiped at his face with his sleeve. He didn’t know when he’d started crying, but he didn’t seem to be able to stop. Silent, strangely painless tears. Karl abruptly enveloped him in a comforting embrace. The singer was surprised yet grateful.
He heard the wise drummer murmur into his ear, “You’re an idiot, you know that. So what happened?”
Darren mumbled into Karl’s singlet a bit timidly, “I kissed him.”
Karl jerked back from Darren when he realized what the singer had said. Giving Darren a strange look, he repeated in disbelief, “You…kissed him.”
Darren nodded miserably.
A small weary laugh escaped from the older man, as he ran a hand through his hair, “I think you’d better tell me what happened from the beginning.”
~*~*~*~*~ After Daniel had finished calling his family and the record label to update them on the status of their backing band selection (i.e. “break out the bubbly, we’ve got a band!”), he stared at the mobile phone in his hand and took a deep breath.
Everything that had happened with Darren had unnerved him greatly. He was relieved to see that despite it all, it seemed the singer was willing to let bygones be bygones. It didn’t have to affect their professional relationship, a sign that Darren had really matured past what he used to be like.
Daniel clicked his phone past his speed dial numbers and hesitated on Michelle’s number. Normally he’d turn to her about something like this, but if he did, he would have to tell her that he’d fallen in love again. Despite their tight friendship, he wasn’t sure he was ready to talk about that with his former love.
He pressed the button a few times, pausing only fleetingly on one of the names before clicking once more and stopping again. Oliver’s number. His older brother would normally just be crass and direct about things relating to Darren, but Daniel wasn’t sure that was what he needed this time. Glancing towards the laughter and noise coming from the main theatre, Daniel chewed on his lip contemplatively.
He clicked backwards repeatedly and then hit ‘dial’. The phone rang after a second, and with every ring Daniel wondered what had possessed him to keep this number, and what he was doing now calling it.
Before he could hang up, someone picked the phone up after the third ring.
“Hi. It’s Daniel. I, uh…I need to talk to you. In person.” Daniel waited as he received directions to where they could meet. After fielding a few questions on what was bothering him, (which he answered curtly), he impatiently agreed, “Yeah, I know where that is. I’ll be there in half an hour. I…Thanks.”
He turned the phone off and with a strange feeling that he was finally facing the music, he strode confidently through the dark maze of hallways back to the stage. He passed by a few doorways including one to the green room, and another to the dressing rooms. He gave them little notice, until he heard voices coming from one that lead to the instrument storage area and loading docks.
Even then he gave it little notice until he heard his name in the muffled conversation. Curious, he stopped and went to open the door. Unfortunately this door was locked and Daniel knew to get to the other entrance he’d have to go through the theatre area and down a separate hallway. Shrugging, he grinned to himself and pressed his ear against the door.
~*~*~*~*~ “Daniel never told me that.” Lee was flabbergasted and more than a bit suspicious. “Are you sure he wasn’t joking about, Darren? He was pissed off his chair, wasn’t he?”
Darren felt like he was a strange detective in a murder mystery. He had just begun explaining to Karl what had happened, straight from why he’d left Daniel during their small break from the promotion right up to today, when Lee had come wandering in search of them. The bassist had unfortunately overheard some of Darren’s recounting of the previous night.
And then it really became a tell-all. Darren felt quite guilty comparing notes on Daniel like this.
“No, he wasn’t joking, Lee,” He sighed exasperatedly. He sat down abruptly on one of the drum casings, looked down to gather his thoughts, then raised his head to give frank looks to both Karl and Lee. “Nikolai…the club owner, as fate would have it…he kissed Daniel, alright. The thing is, I saw it. That’s the club I’d gone to with Leonie that night.”
There was a pregnant silence. Then Karl swore under his breath, looking a bit frayed around the edges from it all, “Fricking soap opera is what it is. So you thought Daniel had been hiding this …lifestyle and took off to regroup.”
Lee frowned but nodded, “Makes sense, it must’ve been a shocker. But Daniel explained everything when you came back?”
This is where Lee had come in originally. Darren simply nodded and jumped forward to the present day. “I didn’t know how to react this morning, but Daniel acted as if it were nothing. Just a big joke, really. But then he started in on me about it. I mean I’m his friend, yeah, but I’m not blind!”
The singer ran a frustrated hand through his hair and took a deep steadying breath. “So I kissed him. Just to teach him a lesson. To show him he can’t just fuck around…uh metaphorically…with men like that. But now—”
“Now he’s aware that his actions have consequences.” The drummer finished for him in a matter-of-fact voice. Darren looked at him in surprise. “What? You didn’t think I’d understand? Your intention was right. Maybe your method was unorthodox, but it got through to him, didn’t it? Honestly, just give him some time. I bet he’s just now comprehending that.”
Lee, who had been strangely quiet, suddenly broke the contemplative silence with a thoughtful yet timid question, “Uh…but why is he making such a fuss about it in the first place?”
The other two men turned sharply to stare at him.
He flushed slightly, and hurriedly made clear, “Not that I’m doubting anyone or being suspicious of Daniel. We’re great mates, he and I, don’t get me wrong! But…I just wondered, Darren’s right when he says that Danny’s been a lot more curious about that uh world. And on some level, I think he…I mean, he enjoys it. It’s just, what if…”
Lee trailed off, flushing more and making a general waving gesture with his hand. Darren rolled his eyes and queried, “What if he’s gay? I’ve thought of that, believe me. But it just doesn’t make sense for him to suddenly be realizing it, especially at his age. Although I’m no expert.”
Karl mused, rubbing his shadowed jaw with a rough hand, “But it might explain the lack of att—” Realizing suddenly what he was on the verge of saying, the drummer halted.
“Lack of what?” Both Darren and Lee wanted to know.
“Lack of attention,” Karl improvised, hoping his normal lack of expression would make it believable, “It just seems lately he hasn’t been as focused on work. Which we all know is quite an unusual occurrence with Jonesy. But it’s just a thought. That could have just been because Darren wasn’t around and he was worried.”
Darren ducked Karl’s pointed glare, and raised his hands in surrender, laughing, “Alright, alright. I won’t run away next time I have issues.”
“Well you don’t suppose he’s attracted to Darren then, if he is uh…gay…” Lee seemed to be having a hard time enunciating the word. “He might even be in love with him for all we know.”
Darren choked, then waved ineffectually, “I doubt that! He’s not attracted to me, that much I know, and frankly love and passion go hand in hand or not at all for me.” He wondered if it sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anything.
Karl’s glare seemed to deepen, “Well he does care about you, so don’t fuck that up by leaving again!”
~*~*~*~*~ “They think I’m gay.” Daniel sucked furiously on his third cigarette after stalking off just prior to Karl and Lee’s berating Darren’s cowardly nature. “Gay! My own mates! They’ve known me for years. And Lee the longest of all. Gay!”
Another cigarette reduced to ashes. Fumbling for his pack, Daniel ranted some more, “I mean, do I look gay? Have I ever acted gay? Ok, before the whole snogging men thing, but fuck didn’t I explain that?! I’m not gay. Lee! I can’t believe it.”
He lit the cigarette and took a few puffs, granting the concrete of the parking/loading dock area some momentary peace, before allowing, “Although…Darren defended me more than I expected. He’s a right bloke. Lee is so off my list. God! I suppose lists are something only gay men do.”
The general gist of this one-sided angry outburst continued for a while. The guitarist wasn’t sure with whom he was the angriest.
“And Karl. I fucking know him well enough, he’s thinking ‘That would explain the lack of attraction poor Dannyboy has towards his girlie lover…she doesn’t pack any heat in the trousers!’…he bloody nearly said it. That prick.”
Daniel was of course, for possibly the first time in his life, over reacting. Mostly because of the phone conversation he’d just had. Still, he’d never been accused so simply of homosexual, not only with a lack of defense from his closest friends, but with the accusations coming from them.
Crushing the empty box of smokes with a muttered epithet, Daniel did up his shirt and while turning abruptly from his random pacing, shouted furiously, “Darren!” In the same motion, he threw the crumpled box at the door he had come out of originally.
And nearly hit Hiro in the face.
Fortunately, the younger guitarist ducked lithely, his reflexes as sharp as a cat’s. He casually ignored Daniel’s enraged glare, and lit up a cigarette of his own. As if utterly aware that his boss was in quite the mood, he calmly and silently offered him one. Daniel, who had been all tensed up to hit Hiro if he even made one untoward comment, hesitated then relaxed slightly and took it.
Hiro leaned forwards and let the tip of his cigarette touch Daniel’s in almost an intimate gesture to light it. Daniel nodded tersely in thanks and harshly leaned back against the brick wall.
Hiro carelessly collapsed in a smooth movement against a curb near by. Sitting with his legs drawn apart and leaning his arms on his knees, he offered in an offhand way, “Name’s Hiro, by the way. Darren’s that other bloke friend of yours.”
Daniel nearly swallowed the cigarette smoke. After a loaded silence, a strange choking sound could be heard from him periodically. Finally, when Hiro turned his head to lazily raise an eyebrow with interest, Daniel burst out laughing. Collapsing next to his friend, he wondered out loud how Hiro, though young, had so much more wisdom and grace than the rest of them combined.
Hiro tossed his wild red waves back and out of his eyes, grinning devilishly, “Easy, I’m too lazy to be stupid. And too pretty to be ungraceful. Apathy is the route to objectivity and great wisdom. And great beauty fools the eye of the beholder.”
Daniel clutched his stomach as fresh peals of laughter reigned over him, gasping, “Oh God…if all those fortune-cookie philosophers could hear you now, they’d roll in their graves!”
Hiro stuck his tongue out with a contrastingly childish posture. After a moment of easier silence, he turned to pin Daniel with magnetic eyes, “Do you mind if I bail out a bit early today? I have to pick up my bike from the shop.”
“Sure, no worries. I think I’ll head out of here early too. Frankly, I’m a bit too overworked to work anymore. So to speak. And I don’t think I’ll be going back in before I leave, if you catch my meaning. Need a lift?”
Inhaling from the cigarette, Hiro nodded then sighed as he exhaled and asked quietly, “What happened? I missed everything but the ‘Darren’ part of your fit of temper.”
Daniel just grimaced and Hiro backed off good-naturedly. Smearing the cigarette stub against the brick wall, Daniel stood and pulled his friend up. As they walked towards the parking lot, the blonde guitarist gave Lindsay McKay a quick call and asked him to lock his ladies up for him and help take care of the other instruments as well.
Although the guitar technician (and his long-time friend) had unvoiced questions, Lindsay knew better then to delve in Daniel’s life. It was an emergency of sorts and that was all that the tech needed to know.
Glancing back over his shoulder, Daniel gave the theater complex one last heated, disgruntled look, muttering, “Gay. Fucking right. We’ll see about that.”
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